Thursday, August 28, 2008

Brain Vomit

Catchy title, no? Things on my mind, typed out so that they are on my blog, instead of bouncing around in my head.

- I like kids, no shocker there. I usually even like my own kids. I think we will have more. If we have at least one more and then adopt a couple, does that make our family freakishly large? Do I care if I have a freakishly large family? I say this and my baby doesn't even sleep through the night yet. I say "yet" because some day it is bound to happen...right?

-I am generally against waking a sleeping child for just about any reason. It is now almost 4:30 and Elie is still asleep. She has a cold. If she doesn't wake up soon, I will never be able to put her in bed by 7. She needs her sleep but I need the sanity or both kids in bed at a decent hour. What to do?

- I have no idea what to make for dinner tonight. Elie doesn't care and either does Addie. I want burgers or taco bell or something equally nutritionally devoid, but feel guilty feeding that crap to my children. If I cook, I have to clean it up. To clean up, I have to empty the dishwasher of clean dishes. I should also mop and vacuum, but that has nothing to do with food. Are black bean brownies a dinner item?

-I am sick of "stuff". The more I have, the more I have to clean/put away/keep track of. Yet I buy more. Is this because I am a brainwashed American consumer? Some days I day dream of my house burning to the ground. All the stuff is gone and I get a clean start. How is that for really not wanting to clean your house!

- Some days I dream of doing something significant. I know, motherhood is "the most important thing I could ever do" blah blah blah. Its not that I want to escape my life or that I crave the spot light, I just feel like my impact is that of a gnat on a windshield, unnoticed. God has put a few things on my heart and they feel scary and "un wise". Where to go from here?

- My eyes hurt. I blame my contacts and the dust at the living history farm.

- I don't want "church" but my heart longs for community. I won't church shop anymore, it is insulting to all involved. I want "meat" to grow on in a group of believers who want to do life together. I don't want a group who gets together for "bible study" and then goes there own way until they meet again next week. Whats the point of that?


curlyjo said...

Oh - I so like you! It's nice that you're my sister. Freakishly large families are cool! Or at least I delude myself into thinking that most days.

Elizabeth said...

I think BB brownies are indeed a good dinner item.

I can't believe someone else secretly wants their house to burn down to get rid of all the CRAP. Without us in it of course.

You crack me up.

Sarah said...

I fully indent to shoot a "brain vomit" post right back at you. If nothing else it will show you that my brain is as scrambled as yours ;-) Look for it later today or tomorrow