Monday, June 15, 2009

I'm Sorry

I have issues, both general and specific, one of them being with the phrase "I'm sorry". I am sure I don't like apologizing any less or more than the next person and the issue isn't with me uttering the phrase so maybe this doesn't count as a "me" issue at all.

I don't make my kids apologize, usually, even when they do something wrong. This may make me very unpopular, which I am ok with. I have no problem with other parents making there kids say sorry, its just that I find it a little...hollow. If this is the definition:
Sorry: regretful: feeling or expressing regret or sorrow or a sense of loss over something done or undone
I am pretty sure my 2 year old doesn't feel it when she decked your kid for taking a toy she wanted, and forcing her to say it seems pointless. I guess I feel like empathy is a more important lesson than apology.

And then there is the whole power struggle aspect. I am bigger than my kid and can physically remove them from a situation where they are causing trouble. I cannot, however, open her mouth and force words to come out. I can make her sit somewhere until the word "sorry" comes out of her mouth but I am pretty sure what she will be feeling at the time will in no way echo the statements expressed above. I believe the point of apology is 3 fold; to make the other person feel better, to own up to a wrong doing, and to imply a change of action in the future.

We have a friend who plays a bit...rough. She has an intense personality. When she wrongs others, which is fairly often, her mom puts her in time out and then makes her say "I'm sorry" and give a hug. I tell you for a fact what this kid is feeling is not remorse for her actions at the time of the apology, she is a repeat offender and generally after she has smacked Elie, Elie doesn't really feel like giving her a hug. I am not in any way dissing this mom's parenting skills, she does what is best for her family.

I am not saying I let Eliana, or even Addilyn, off the hook when they wrong others.If Eliana takes your kids toys this is what you will most likely, on a good day, see me do:
First I ask Elie to look at her friend and tell me what they are feeling, we talk about how she made them feel that way and made the problem and she needs to fix it. She must give back the toy and think about how she is going to make the problem better, if she can't come up with any ideas, I will help (you could tell them your "sorry", you could tell then you won't take toys anymore, give a hug, get there lovey) If Elie is unwilling to try and make things better, she isn't being kind and isn't allowed to play any with us anymore and either she or I will remove her from the situation.

I don't know that what I am doing is right, but it at least feels a little more authentic. When my kids apologize, I want it to feel like more than words to just "get me out of trouble so I can go play again". One day, I hope my children come to a sincere understanding of what the cost of sin is and feel a hearts desire to apologize for there shortcomings to the One who can forgive us all.

If I have offended anyone, I'm sorry. :)

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Life's a beach

Can't think of a better way to spend my 29th birthday.

Monday, June 8, 2009

California Part 1

We left CO on Wends. morning. We were expecting Addilyn to be a pain in the tush on the airplane, she doesn't love being made to sit on our laps. We got to the airport only to find out our flight had been delayed. We grabbed some lunch and a little snack from the candy store while we waited. Once we were on the plane, Elie had no problem keeping herself busy and Addilyn fell fast asleep. Such an easy flight.

We picked up a rockin' mini van and drove up to Aunt Darlenes. We went to visit Grandpa John, who is 86 and waiting in the hospital for a valve replacement surgery. Matt had to work on Thursday and the girls and I played with Matt's cousins and there kids. Elie never wanted to leave Darlenes with all the toys, the pool and friends she made.

Friday was Disney and we had a blast. So much more fun this year than last. The day was cool and we had almost no lines for any ride. We rode Small World, Dumbo, Tea Cups, Mr. toad and a few others. We visited Micky and Minnie in there houses and ate hot dogs in toon town. We made it from about 9:30 to 4:00 before the girls were tuckered out. Eliana has been singing the "tiki Room" song since.

The weekend was spent with family. Luke, Matt's bro, is back from a tour of duty in Iraq and came down for the weekend. I don't think Elie gave him a moment to himself, poor guy. We had a big family meal, ate some GF birthday cupcakes that Matt's aunt made for me, and really enjoyed our time.

Sunday afternoon we took Luke to the bus station and drove a few hours down to San Diego and checked into our hotel. We are now watching cartoons and waiting for Grandpa Skip and Grandma Karen to join us for a few days. Matt is off to work. I will keep you posted on the rest of the trip!

Monday, June 1, 2009


Friday afternoon Matt and I were sitting on the couch discussing what we should do for dinner and commenting that it looked like it was going to rain. I heard a noise in the back yard, assumed the dumb dog had gotten into something and went to investigate. This is what I saw:

Unbeknownst to me, we now live in Oz, where large houses (sheds) fall from the sky and land on things, in this case, my garden.

No, it wasn't really windy. We called the Honeycutts and asked if they would be willing to send there strongest man (Matt) over to help us. The shed is now sitting up-right in our yard, killing grass.