Skip to main content

In the Quiet

This is a blog post I almost didn't write. I almost didn't because I don't really have anything to say. "Who would want to read that?!" my inner voice critiques. But I don't write for "them", I write for me, I write because it is a discipline that sharpens with time and effort poured into it. Even taking time to gather the scattered thoughts into sentences when the subject matter leaves a lot to be desired will, at least in theory,  allow me to better express myself when I really do have something significant to relay. That day isn't today, but I have to assume at some point I will be interesting.

My house is quiet.

Well, not exactly quiet. Perfectly quiet doesn't happen around these parts. Relative quiet. Four children down for a rest type quiet. There is still the noise of the dryer (because it is Monday, and damnit! I WILL complete my laundry today) and a box full of kittens in the kitchen. One of the kittens is protesting loudly to its mama as she has him pinned and is giving him a tongue bath. I hear the train, blocks away but so noisy I still can hear the clacking in the relative still of my house. In this semi-quiet, there is peace.

If I waited for the quiet to be perfect before I found the peace, it wouldn't happen. I have found that my tendency to be a card carrying member of the "good enough" club may not serve me well in house keeping but it allows me to find joy without perfection. Just as my home will never be perfectly quiet, my closet the cleanest, my flowers will never grow just so, my children might not be the brightest of all their friends and acquaintances  I can lean into the grace of not quite perfect. I can enjoy the freedom of letting go of the ideal and embracing the How It Is.

In the not-quite stillness, I will embrace joy. I will eat the last piece of fruit pizza without having to share a bite. I will drink my tea while it is still hot. I will look a pinterest and admire all the pretty things, clever idea, and happy homes and not feel judged by the perfection casting its shadow on my yet to be folded laundry. I won't worry about where we will be in six months, because I have been divinely placed HERE for NOW and that can be good enough.

I won't strive for perfect. I don't need people to think I have it all figured out, that I am an amazing mother and a doting wife. I am me and I am good enough, a work in progress. I write spirling blog posts that bore my friends, I live in a house with crumbs beneath my feet. I am still loved, I still have something to offer. I won't chase perfect and neglect the gifts given to me in the now.

I will drink my tea while it is still warm and let the laundry sit.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Working on my Domestic Goddess Badge

I looked at the to-do list I made last week and am happy to say I can cross off almost everything on it. It only took me 2 weeks. I think I either need smaller lists or more time. Here is what I have been up to: -I have made 2 loaves of banana oat bread, 1 batch of blackberry strawberry freezer jam, 1 loaf of gluten free bread. -From 12 juiced grapefruit I made grapefruit curd and a pan of grapefruit bars. -My garden is almost completely done, including a upgrade in size. I am growing tomatoes, onions, peppers, potatoes , cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower , herbs, lettuce, spinach , green beans, snap peas, cucumbers, and kohlrabi. -I hung herbs to dry -I have folded massive amounts of laundry...with more yet to do. All washed with my homemade laundry soap. -I recovered the "green monster" which is another post entirely. -I added a sitting area in my bedroom, where I am currently sitting, so that my laptop has a home other than the kitchen table. - I got a new dining room table a...
23 comments
Read more

Feeling Resolute

I am a list person. I don't actually follow everything I write down, but I do write it down. Sometimes I think it is my weird way of feeling like I have my life under control. Not only do I make lists for myself, I make them for Matt. Yes, I know that is obnoxious so I don't always give him the lists I make for him. Yesterday I tortured my husband by making him sit down and make a list WITH me. I do it every year. You see, Matt is an amazing big picture person, but details kill him. Annually I make him sit down and write goals. We categorize them by finance, work, personal, spiritual, etc. It kills him to have to be specific. I keep the list every year and we read it together. This significantly brightened Matt's mood, to hear all the things we have accomplished this year. Our debt is reduced, relationships have been formed and baby #3 can be totally checked off the goal list. This year I am resolving to blog every day. The reason for this is 2 fold, neither of which is me ...
5 comments
Read more

Solo

I was told by my mother when I was a teen that my curfew was midnight because "nothing good happens after midnight". If that is true at 16, I am pretty sure that "nothing good happens before six a.m" is true for my current station in life. Some may argue that it is always true, but not Annabelle. For the last few weeks, the babe has been up before the sun. It isn't exactly the fault of the whole "fall back" time change, but that didn't help matters. Normally this is annoying, but not really my problem as Matt is the one on call as the sun rises. Alas, Matt is in Korea and I am flying solo, desperately missing my morning wing man. I am not ashamed to say that in the wee hours of the morning I told my not-quite two year old that I was not getting up yet, tossed her some toys and dry cheerios with a sippy and told her to play quietly. I stumbled back to my still warm bed knowing I bought myself about 15 minutes to clear the cob webs from my brain and ...
3 comments
Read more