At 5:45 I am joined in bed by a small, blond man who insists on putting his cold toes on my warm back. I ignore him until 6:30 when his insistent "Is it wake up time yet?" for the 20 time becomes too much to bare. Stumble downstairs and start a pot of coffee.
J- "Mama, I'm hungry"
M- "Sure buddy, what kind of cereal do you want?"
J- "I don't want cereal, I want eggs"
M- "Ok, scrambled?"
J- "No, dipping ones. With toast"
10 minutes of food prep, with constant commentary and questioning if it was ready yet. Hand him one egg and a piece of toast.
J-"Its hot. Blow it, please?"
Spend 5 minutes of blowing on eggs and toast until toddler thinks it is safe
J- "Toast is icky. I just want the egg."
Sister walks in and asks for cheerios. I pour her a bowl, top with blueberries, she says "thanks" and proceeds to eat.
J- " I want cereal!"
M- " Buddy, you asked for eggs. Mama made you eggs. Eat those first, if you are still hungry you may have cereal"
J- "NOOOO! Eggs are icky. I want O's!"
Sister- "I will eat J's eggs and toast"
M- "Fine, if sister wants your eggs, I will make you cereal"
I get another bowl. Pour cereal and milk, hand it to the tiny dictator.
J- " Blueberries please"
M- "On top or next to?"
J- " On top!"
I walk away to pour a cup of coffee, heaven knows I need it. Turn around to see a blueberries in a puddle of milk on the counter.
M- "Soooo, what cha' do here?
J- " I don't like them in cereal. Please take them out"
M- "For real?!"
Spend 5 minutes scooping blueberries out of bowl of cereal. Two minutes later, Toddler leaves table.
M- "Hey, come eat your cereal!"
J- " No thank you, I'm not really hungry"
I add a shot of whiskey to my coffee. Don't judge me, bro. Spend next 10 minutes scrambling an egg, slicing sharp cheddar, toasting a bagel and cooking a sausage patty. Assemble a delish looking breakfast sandwich. Toddler returns from pestering sisters.
J- "What is that, mama?"
M- "A sandwich, for MY breakfast"
J- " Can I have a little bite, please?"
M- *sigh* " Sure, buddy"
Toddler proceeds to eat enough of my breakfast that I am still hungry, but not so much that I can justify making breakfast number 2. I pour more coffee, with a little more whisky. Count the hours until lunch.