Thursday, December 9, 2010


I am a compulsive "over thinker". I am an information junky. These things go hand in hand. When faced with a problem, my first resource is information which is gathered like a rabid squirrel hording nuts facing a nuclear winter. And then I think. I chew over information, mull it over and over again until...well, until it usually ends up in some form or another on my blog.

My dad is quirky, and I mean that in a good way. Even though he is currently sporting uni-bomber hair, he is one of the smartest men I have ever met. Back when he was a grown up (I am saying that because I not sure what he is now, retired maybe?) he was a consultant, which basically means he was paid obscene amounts of money for telling people what they were doing wrong and how to do it better. And to think, I was given all that information for free for year while I was growing up and had no appreciation for it! My dad likes thinks like "mission statements" and "actionable goals" to the point he actually has a mission statement for his life. I think that is endlessly cool. To have something to measure every decision against would simplify things immensely.

I feel kind of like the last 5 years of my life I have been living in "survival mode". I have cranked out 3 babies and kept them all alive while running a home, often by myself. The thing about survival mode is I find it deeply unsatisfying. I hate the feeling of barley keeping my head above water, flaking out because I failed to take time to plan and ending the day with the feeling that life happened to me and I didn't actually spend time doing the things that I say matter most to me.

As baby turned a year old, my life has started to settle. I get a little more sleep. Matt was home for more than one week. I have started to do what I do, which is think. And when I am thinking I am gathering information. Here, in no particular order, is what I am working on:

-I want a mission statement for my life. Not because I want a neatly organized sheet of paper (although that does appeal to me on some level) but because it forces clarity when it comes to what I believe is important and can serve as a guide for making decisions.

-Stuff. I have a problem with too much. Actually, I am a product of a culture who has a HUGE problem with stuff and I some how got sucked in. People matter, stuff doesn't. If it doesn't add to my life, it takes away from it and should be given away to bless someone else.

- Emotional stuff. Stuff we hold on to isn't all physical, I need to figure out what emotional dust bunnies are collecting in my closet

-Body stuff. How am I treating my physical body and is it honoring to Him who made it?

- Spiritual stuff. Growth. Service. Love.

As we end 2010 I have decided I want 2011 to look different. Intentional. I am not sure what steps I need to take to get there, but here is the first.


Kari Marie said...

I completely understand survival vs intentional life.

I love the notes you made at the bottom and support all those "goals"!!

Jennifer McHam said...

I already have my New Year's resolution worked out for 2011. Be more present. Work less, enjoy more. I have a real problem with overanalyzing, trying to control every single situation and moment. That's not what I want though. So there you have it, before anybody else does :)

Anonymous said...

me too, me too! let's talk about this next time we get together