So, if your a frequent reader of my blog, you will have a general knowledge of my feelings towards church. A newbie? Let me get you caught up: I like church about as much as I like the dentist. God and I are cool, I even have grown to love and respect a few Christians in my life, but overall traditional church doesn't seem to fit me too well. I am too outspoken, too liberal, and too...disillusioned.
About a year ago, we started to go to a church called Adullam. My sis and bro in law go there and I liked the web site. It seemed organic, just a bunch of people who love Jesus who get together on Sundays. I liked that they started as small communities and then did the whole church thing instead of the other way around. It seemed like they were active and loved the community.
Now, here we are. I am back to square one. I would say it is because my expectations are unrealistic, but I am not really sure what my expectations are. Matt and I are extroverts, were happy to lend a hand and chat with those we met, but we are still on the outside of a little clique. This church feels like every other church I have been in, down to the Sunday lay out. Sure, it is casual, the pastor is less conservative, but the people are the same. People will talk to us on Sunday, smile and act like they care, but despite our questions, we have yet to find a group to belong to. I offered up some ideas of how to impact our community and never heard back from anyone. It doesn't really seem like anyone DOES anything. It is really just pretty web content and the makings of a book for our pastor.
I guess I struggle with what the point of church really is. Growth? Well, that is kind of personal, and while a good message can prompt some thought, growing is a personal choice. I like worship as a community, but do I have to be in a church to do that? I believe several people moving in the same direction can be world changing, but I can't seem to get anyone interested in moving. Church feels to me like a time when us Christians get together and nod to the content of a sermon, pat each other on the back with platitudes like "I will pray for you" and "God bless". We like big, air conditioned buildings, upbeat music, a place surrounded with people who are like us. I haven't figured out how to change the world alone, between nap times and diaper changes, but my heart longs to be a part of something bigger than myself. I am the square peg.
This is not a bash on traditional church and those who find them fulfilling. It is simply my lament that I can't seem to find a place to fit. I hate to church shop, I don't just want to be another consumer.
I have an amazing group of Christian girls in my life, we don't get together every Sunday, but could they be my "church"? If all church is is the body of Christ, believers who gather together, who love eachother and love the Lord, what am I missing?