There are some things in life that you think you understand...and then you have kids. Things like how important sleep is or what clean looks like. Emotions like guilt and worry.
My kids are petite, which is just a nice way to say "scrawny". Generally, I am ok with this. It is how God made them, and while I do get sick of hearing how little they are from everyone, I can accept that I will never have a kid who has a bunch of cute and squish fat rolls.
I took Annabelle to the doctor for her 9 month well baby visit. She doesn't even weigh 15 pounds yet and has put on less than a pound in the last 3 months. This isn't good. I am not a worrier usually, but this got my attention. Here is the thing, the child eats just fine, with lots of wet diapers and such, she just isn't growing. Developmentally she is doing fine but we worry a bit about her not crawling yet.
Guilt is pretty much a worthless emotion, but I have a better understanding of it now. Somewhere in my head, i know it isn't my fault that she is little, that I am doing everything I can, but as her mother I feel like it is my job to make her thrive. I worry, what if something is really wrong?
We have an appointment with some specialist at Children's Hospital, we may get some answers but likely we will just get some more questions. For the time being, Annabelle is happy, sweet and fun baby who is unquestionably loved by her family.