Skip to main content

Love and the art of Relationship Matainence

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results"

After a morning conversation was interrupted by each of our children repeatedly, I looked at Matt and said "This isn't working for me". I wasn't just referring to our conversation, I was referring to the way we were doing life.

Knowing the importance of keeping communication honest and open, and frankly, not being good at beating around the bush, I sat down and rattled off a list of grievances. I was sick of the single mom gig, I wanted more time and more attention and I was inches away from losing my mind. My solution was Matt finds a new job. Now.

I didn't get my way but we did come up with a plan. We added Matt to the gym membership. We can now go to the gym, drop off the offspring and work out together. I'm not talking treadmill here, or the elliptical (which, sadly enough, I am much too uncoordinated to do) but fun exercise followed by time in the hot tub or spa. We also decided to swap childcare with my sister a couple times a month so we get to go our sans-kids. Now maybe we will be able to complete a sentence or even a thought without having to stop and wipe a butt or shush a baby.

Marriage is a lot of work, more than I ever thought. It requires sacrifice and honesty and occasionally a husband with thick skin. It requires creativity and resilience and most of all a commitment to keep pluggin' even when things suck, knowing that given prayer and a little time together, things will get better.

Comments

Jennifer McHam said…
Oh friend. I love you. I love your honesty and your grit and your tenacity. I love knowing I'm not alone in my complex and often inconvenient emotions and I love that you're brave enough to blog about it. I love your idea of working out with Matt and then hitting the hot tub. Maybe this summer Pierce won't have a coronary every time I put him in the daycare there and Mark and I can do that ;) !! What a great idea. Hugs hugs hugs. Jen
24 February, 2010 11:56
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Working on my Domestic Goddess Badge

I looked at the to-do list I made last week and am happy to say I can cross off almost everything on it. It only took me 2 weeks. I think I either need smaller lists or more time. Here is what I have been up to: -I have made 2 loaves of banana oat bread, 1 batch of blackberry strawberry freezer jam, 1 loaf of gluten free bread. -From 12 juiced grapefruit I made grapefruit curd and a pan of grapefruit bars. -My garden is almost completely done, including a upgrade in size. I am growing tomatoes, onions, peppers, potatoes , cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower , herbs, lettuce, spinach , green beans, snap peas, cucumbers, and kohlrabi. -I hung herbs to dry -I have folded massive amounts of laundry...with more yet to do. All washed with my homemade laundry soap. -I recovered the "green monster" which is another post entirely. -I added a sitting area in my bedroom, where I am currently sitting, so that my laptop has a home other than the kitchen table. - I got a new dining room table a...
23 comments
Read more

Solo

I was told by my mother when I was a teen that my curfew was midnight because "nothing good happens after midnight". If that is true at 16, I am pretty sure that "nothing good happens before six a.m" is true for my current station in life. Some may argue that it is always true, but not Annabelle. For the last few weeks, the babe has been up before the sun. It isn't exactly the fault of the whole "fall back" time change, but that didn't help matters. Normally this is annoying, but not really my problem as Matt is the one on call as the sun rises. Alas, Matt is in Korea and I am flying solo, desperately missing my morning wing man. I am not ashamed to say that in the wee hours of the morning I told my not-quite two year old that I was not getting up yet, tossed her some toys and dry cheerios with a sippy and told her to play quietly. I stumbled back to my still warm bed knowing I bought myself about 15 minutes to clear the cob webs from my brain and ...
3 comments
Read more

Feeling Resolute

I am a list person. I don't actually follow everything I write down, but I do write it down. Sometimes I think it is my weird way of feeling like I have my life under control. Not only do I make lists for myself, I make them for Matt. Yes, I know that is obnoxious so I don't always give him the lists I make for him. Yesterday I tortured my husband by making him sit down and make a list WITH me. I do it every year. You see, Matt is an amazing big picture person, but details kill him. Annually I make him sit down and write goals. We categorize them by finance, work, personal, spiritual, etc. It kills him to have to be specific. I keep the list every year and we read it together. This significantly brightened Matt's mood, to hear all the things we have accomplished this year. Our debt is reduced, relationships have been formed and baby #3 can be totally checked off the goal list. This year I am resolving to blog every day. The reason for this is 2 fold, neither of which is me ...
5 comments
Read more