Skip to main content

Alone

My husband is an extrovert. This is like saying "rain is wet" or "the Pope is Catholic". Kind of a duh statement. Most assume I am an extrovert like him. I do like people, I am not shy and make conversation easily. But I can't keep up with Matt. On the personality tests, I fall almost dead smack in the middle of most categories, including introversion/extroversion.

I just want to be left alone tonight. I have hung out with people all weekend, people I love, and I am in a lousy mood. As the mother of 3 small children and a wife to a man who loves to be with people, alone time is hard to come by.

Tonight I have big plans. I intend to get all 3 kids in bed and go and sit in the hammock in the back yard. I would go for a drive but with the price of gas that seems a little silly. I would go to Barnes and Noble but someone might talk to me. So I will sit, rock slowly, maybe enjoy an adult beverage, smoke a cigar, listen to the sounds of the neighborhood and ignore the world.

Matt gets it. He used to see my quiet moods as a judgement on his company or he would assume I was mad. Now he knows. I just need to be away. To think...or not think. To be alone with my self, even though I know I am not great company at the moment. When everything seems uncomfortable, my answers are short, my temper inflated I know I have to walk away.

I have a list of things that need to be done that is 3 miles long, but my give a damn is completely busted. Maybe after some time alone, a good nights sleep, I will find my mojo again. But not right now. My heart is heavy, my head is full and I am not even at a place where I could talk it out if I wanted to.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Working on my Domestic Goddess Badge

I looked at the to-do list I made last week and am happy to say I can cross off almost everything on it. It only took me 2 weeks. I think I either need smaller lists or more time. Here is what I have been up to: -I have made 2 loaves of banana oat bread, 1 batch of blackberry strawberry freezer jam, 1 loaf of gluten free bread. -From 12 juiced grapefruit I made grapefruit curd and a pan of grapefruit bars. -My garden is almost completely done, including a upgrade in size. I am growing tomatoes, onions, peppers, potatoes , cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower , herbs, lettuce, spinach , green beans, snap peas, cucumbers, and kohlrabi. -I hung herbs to dry -I have folded massive amounts of laundry...with more yet to do. All washed with my homemade laundry soap. -I recovered the "green monster" which is another post entirely. -I added a sitting area in my bedroom, where I am currently sitting, so that my laptop has a home other than the kitchen table. - I got a new dining room table a...

Solo

I was told by my mother when I was a teen that my curfew was midnight because "nothing good happens after midnight". If that is true at 16, I am pretty sure that "nothing good happens before six a.m" is true for my current station in life. Some may argue that it is always true, but not Annabelle. For the last few weeks, the babe has been up before the sun. It isn't exactly the fault of the whole "fall back" time change, but that didn't help matters. Normally this is annoying, but not really my problem as Matt is the one on call as the sun rises. Alas, Matt is in Korea and I am flying solo, desperately missing my morning wing man. I am not ashamed to say that in the wee hours of the morning I told my not-quite two year old that I was not getting up yet, tossed her some toys and dry cheerios with a sippy and told her to play quietly. I stumbled back to my still warm bed knowing I bought myself about 15 minutes to clear the cob webs from my brain and ...

Feeling Resolute

I am a list person. I don't actually follow everything I write down, but I do write it down. Sometimes I think it is my weird way of feeling like I have my life under control. Not only do I make lists for myself, I make them for Matt. Yes, I know that is obnoxious so I don't always give him the lists I make for him. Yesterday I tortured my husband by making him sit down and make a list WITH me. I do it every year. You see, Matt is an amazing big picture person, but details kill him. Annually I make him sit down and write goals. We categorize them by finance, work, personal, spiritual, etc. It kills him to have to be specific. I keep the list every year and we read it together. This significantly brightened Matt's mood, to hear all the things we have accomplished this year. Our debt is reduced, relationships have been formed and baby #3 can be totally checked off the goal list. This year I am resolving to blog every day. The reason for this is 2 fold, neither of which is me ...